RACE 50 - THE GRIM - 4 December

Well number 50 is up! I feel I should be writing something profound at this stage but ..... instead, a bit lazy this I know, I thought I'd revisit Race 3 - The Grim - 15 January.

"One of my favourite events as I've been doing it since 2005.  Was meant to take place in December but it was postponed - not because of the condition of the course which was merely "more interesting" it was issues of actually getting there. Re-organised (which unfortunately meant I had to miss hockey) the race went ahead following a week of pretty heavy rain.  The course is on  land used to test Army vehicles and is described on the website as "interesting!" - that word again! After the mass start you reach a long hill where those who have gone off too fast or have realised that their charity costumes are incredibly heavy when wet, start to walk.  Then you descend eventually reaching a water filled ravine. Then running over exposed heath where the wind really bites as you are soaking wet and muddy; on "puddle-strewn paths" their description - but does it count as a puddle if its knee deep water that you're running through? Also they forgot to describe the slippery cattle grids and the general all round muddiness. Before having to crawl under camouflage netting over a muddy ravine - at which point I managed to drop my glasses.  With nothing clean or dry to wipe them with meant that I ran the rest of the race through a sepia type haze. It was like running through one of those old photos of a WW1 battlefield- ironic really considering the location. You eventually reach some man-made mounds (one described by an incredibly chirpy marshal as "the big dipper") before arriving at and running through some rather large puddles (a masterly understatement). they warn you to expect to get very wet! - duh! Finally you run on to the fast vehicle driving circuit (fast for vehicles maybe but this time more of a snails pace!) where it is rocky underfoot. This brings you to some more large areas of water and the finish area.  

Two things you begin to learn quickly on these type of events - the photographers are always positioned at points of maximum difficulty/pain/water/mud/discomfort ...... and the chirpier the marshal the more difficult/painful/wet/muddy/uncomfortable the next bit will be! 
No pictures of this one as they're not a pretty sight - if you're interested you can go on the website and put in race no. 4966. 

Result - 168 out of 1948 in a time of 1:11:56 (20 seconds slower than 2009 - I must be getting old!) "

Something that's instantly apparent from that race report is how mercifully brief I was back when I'd just started. So rather than repeat everything again I'll just emphasise some highlights. The race took part on the Sunday  (like Hellrunner the week before they run it twice over the weekend - yes there are the best part of 4,000 nutters that want to take part in such things!) so it meant I didn't miss hockey (a 3-0 victory against the top of the table team, leapfrogging us into second - if you're interested that is?) Picked up Pete Mac at the tube at a reasonable hour (8am) and hit the A3 out of London for probably the last time this year. Around the M25 - not the 'Road to Hell' that Chris Rea sung about - not early on a Sunday morning at any rate and down the M3 as far as Aldershot. 

Parked up at fortunately next to one of those vast pick-up trunks, so no likelihood of loosing the mini in the car parking area. No need to register as everything including the chip timer was sent through in advance. They've large marquees for bag drop off and changing ~ a bit public but at the end of the race I assure you just don't care! We availed ourselves of the "facilities" ~ one of the most impressive arrays of port-a-loos I've seen at any race, certainly no queueing necessary. They also had one of the most sensible additions to the cubicles - a full blown "port-a-urinal". It stops all the men running off into the woods at the last minute scaring the wildlife etc.  It was outside this that we bumped into the chap and his dad from Hellrunner the previous week, who when asked how he'd done, somewhat embarrassed actually admitted to have come 8th! I certainly wouldn't be using him as a pacemaker! (Looked up his name ~ John Jobey)


After a chat with John and his dad it was off to find Pete some breakfast and me a cup of tea. Suitably fed and watered, it was off to the bag drop and to warm up. I should point out at this point, it was to warm up the muscles by stretching and jogging - it certainly wasn't to 'warm up' as there was a biting wind and was very wet underfoot. Pete had sensibly packed a bin bag which you wear over your torso (having made a suitable hole for the head as the purpose is to keep the wind chill off rather than suffocate) whereas I with a years race experience had forgotten to. As we made our way to the starting area I tried to find someone larger to hide behind to keep out of the wind. 


Like many of these races, it was a judgement as to how near the front you go as although the first mile or so was on forestry tracks with nearly 2000 runners it gets very congested and you can't find your rhythm. We placed ourselves fairly near the front - in the first couple of hundred runners knowing we'd have to go off fairly fast. It's the first hill that begins to thin the competitors out a bit and then running through the first knee-deep puddle which was about 20m long and then settling into a cold and squelchy pace. That combination of hill and water means you're now running almost in single file or in small groups at most. 


Continuing through undulating coniferous woodland skirting the larger puddles and areas of mud where feasible, it was out onto the heathland. Like many of these army sites, due to the relative lack of disturbance, it is designated as a Site of Special Scientific Interest (SSSI) as it has rare plants, insects and birds (see end of blog for more information). Maybe, just maybe I didn't appreciate the conservation angle at this point having to negotiate those slippery cattle grids. 

An  aside at this point, the MOD actually rent the site out for filming (see detail at the end) and they filmed James Bond's "Die Another Day" here. The MOD website actually have pictures of film locations including the cattle grids and the hovercraft sequence! 


All safely negotiated we re-entered the woodland at about mile four. Along very muddy tracks, the very same used as the cycle section in the Grim Duathlon, we came to the water point. Although it was cold, we'd certainly worked up a bit of a sweat so a few gulps of water were certainly welcome. At this point you started to run towards cheering crowds, which meant only one thing ~ something involving mud & water. Sure enough knee deep mud through a narrow ravine with a camo-net stretched across which we had to go under bringing us even nearer to the mud. this time I managed to retain my glasses and managed not to get my photo taken - however if you want to see images of what it was like there are some at the Grim Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/grimchallenge or Google it on YouTube. To say I got muddy would be a slight understatement and the yellow mud stuck like concrete and so far has managed to resist three washes to get the stains out of the top.

Fortunately, after 300 yards or so, we cam to the next obstacle called "the big puddle". So called because in essence it was a big puddle. Now being used to such events and knowing it was a vehicle training course, I stayed in the middle. however some ***** [insert adjective here] decided to try and overtake thereby falling into the wheel ruts. Oh dear ~ how the crowd laughed and cheered! The advantage of all this was to a) get soaked again and b) to get rid of some of the mud off your legs.


It was at about this point mile five, that my calves began to hurt. Its funny that the Grim is one of the few races that this happens year after year. I think its the combination of wet, cold and mud, ~ reoccurring very frequently that does it as races such as Hell Runner, Kamikaze, Brutal, The Hurt ...... all names to conjure with, don't seem to have such a painful effect. It was now actually a case of aiming for the puddles rather than skirting them to try and numb the legs. 


At the beginning of the race we had been told that they had shortened it slightly by cutting down the "boring bit" and adding some more obstacles and a section of moguls. We had about a mile of forestry track before coming across a vehicle obstacle course of railway lines, steps, slippery tree trunks, undulating concrete ~ all of which we had to run/scramble across.


It was then more forest interspersed  with heathland, going from sheltered to exposed which really sapped the will, before coming to the moguls. These man-made undulations were only about a two meter change in height and were probably great fun in a 4x4. However they were a real pig to run up and down as you just couldn't get any rhythm going and of course there was mud/water at the bottom of each one.   It was soon after this I passed John who was really struggling as he'd pulled a muscle at mile three but was still manfully continuing. Not a lot I could do but sympathise so I limped on to the alpine zone. Obviously its not alpine in height but it certainly was steep enough and it contained the big dipper. This was fun on the bike as you haired down hanging on for dear life hoping the momentum would get you up the other side. Slightly different in running it though as it was so muddy it was a fast-ish jog down and a considerably more laboured run back up.

It was then back into woodland and the final section towards the finish. The trails were reasonably dry, the puddles only calf deep and the cheers became ever closer which is always heartening. Running up a ravine, no mud this time as it was a stream towards the crowds, you can see the finish line but are forced to run past it. You follow the route you took at the start but double back on yourself - back towards the finish for the final obstacle. Called "the crater " it is unsurprisingly just that. A crater approximately 50m across and filled with ~ you've guessed it water. Its almost waist deep (so not as bad as previous years) and on to the finish. 


In spite of all my best endeavours to stretch and get into warm and dry clothing as soon as possible, my legs totally seized up and as was hobbling around for a few days after. Lucky as it was number 50.


I must admit to feeling a bit bereft the following weekend though as no hockey and no race. What on earth do you do at the weekend? Fortunately with Christmas to plan for there was something to do but I'll certainly be booking some more events for next year ~ though I think I'll stop short of doing 50! 

Result - 145 (3rd in 50+) out of 1945 in a time of 1:05:23

http://www.mod.uk/DefenceInternet/AboutDefence/WhatWeDo/DefenceEstateandEnvironment/MODFilmLocations/South/AldershotLongValleyTestTrack.htm

Aldershot ~ Long Valley Test Track:

A large sandy area with different types of vehicle trails, tracks and roads. The area can be used for filming and vehicle trials and is surrounded by pine trees and heathland. 

Bourley and Long Valley SSSI 

http://www.sssi.naturalengland.org.uk/citation/citation_photo/1006761.pdf

Description and Reasons for Notification - The site comprises a diverse mosaic of heathland, woodland, mire, scrub and grassland habitats.    Such habitat  diversity supports a rich flora and fauna including nationally scarce plants, nationally rare insects and three bird species listed in Annex 1 of the EC Directive on the Conservation of Wild Birds. 

RACE 49 - HELLRUNNER - 27 November

Its been slightly over a month since the last time I raced, I've almost forgotten what it was like to get up early with adrenalin coursing through my veins! Well in all honesty, probably not the latter - more a grudging opening of the eyes on Sunday morning at 6:30 (ish).

Since the last time I've had four weeks of 'tash growing, getting odd looks as I walk down the street, mothers with small children crossing the road, sniggers following wherever I go. So here's a picture of how it ended up. Scary isn't it?  Never mind it was all for a good cause and the sheer joy when it came off was an indescribable relief.


Described as offering "trail running at its toughest and most enjoyable (hmm?) 10-12 miles (more like 9 according to other competitors Garmins) of challenging off-road running ...tough, twisting trails (oh yes and did they mention steep?) ... including the famed Hills of Hell (sand dunes - very difficult to run on especial as they come right near the end when you're wet, muddy and tired) and the Bog of Doom (like the Ronseal ads - does exactly what it says on the tin!). All in all as it states "Punishment of the sole [sic] ... redemption of the mind." There are pictures and a short video on the website - http://www.hellrunner.co.uk/

Picked up Pete Mac (races 21, 33, 41, and 43) at Brixton tube at 7:30 and made our way out of London on the A3. It wasn't too cold (unlike last year which was sub-zero) but it was a bit drizzly. Making good time we got to Hindhead to find that the new tunnel, part of the Hindhead bypass was now open and saved us a considerable amount of time.  The Hindhead Tunnel ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindhead_Tunnel ) opened in July 2011 forming part of the 4 mile dual-carriageway built to replace the last remaining stretch of single-carriageway on the 68-mile London to  Portsmouth road. At 1.2 miles the tunnel is the longest non-estuarial road tunnel in the United Kingdom,and takes the road beneath the Devil's Punch Bowl (everything seems to have satanic links in this blog), a Site of Special Scientific Interest. It was also a scheme I had worked on back in the mid 90's where I had assisted in part of the Environmental Impact Assessment.


A digression (edited from Wikipedia - where else?) - the name Devil's Punch Bowl dates from at least 1768, the year that John Rocque's map of the area was published. Prior to 1768 it was marked as "ye Bottom" on a map by John Ogilby dated 1675. The soil in this part of Surrey has two layers — an upper layer of sandstone, with clay beneath. This deep depression is believed to be the result of erosion caused by spring water beneath the sandstone, causing the upper level to collapse. With its steep sides, the Devil's Punch Bowl has become a natural nature reserve, filled with heathland, streams and woodland. Local legend has a much more colourful theory as to its creation. According to one story, during the Middle Ages the Devil became so irritated by all the churches being built in Sussex that he decided to dig a channel from the English Channel, through the South Downs, and flood the area. As he began digging, he threw up huge lumps of earth, each of which became a local landmark — such as Chanctonbury Ring, Cissbury Ring (sites visited in races 10 and 19), Mount Caburn and Rackham Hill. He got as far as the village of Poynings (an area known as the Devil's Dyke) when he was disturbed by a cock crowing (one version of the story claims that it was the prayers of St Dunstan that made all the local cocks crow earlier than usual). Assuming that dawn was about to break, he leapt into Surrey, creating the Devil's Punch Bowl where he landed.


Another story goes that, in his spare time, he hurled lumps of earth at the god Thor to annoy him. The hollow he scooped the earth out of became the Punch Bowl. The nearby village of Thursley means Thor's place. A still older story claims that two giants clashed in the area, and one, scooping up earth to throw at the other, created the landmark before missing the throw and creating the Isle of Wight.


Coming out the other side of the tunnel, two things became apparent. Firstly we were going to be comfortably early and secondly, the rain was coming down in stair rods! We were going to get wet. 


We arrived at the Longmoor army camp (see information at the end) - well a very muddy part of it anyway. In effect a large open piece of land that was accessed by a long single track 'road' for want of a better word that ran parallel to the A3 for about a mile, crossed over and then went back for about a mile - so we were pretty much back where we'd started but on the other side of the road. It was all churned up partly due to the rain but partly as they run the race both on Saturday and then again on the Sunday.  This of course also applies to the run route ~ being equally churned up from the day before.

Pete and I got ready huddling by the car until there was nothing for it but to make our way towards the start area - a 15 minute walk. We got talking to a bloke and his father who was there supporting him. Comparing races done, possible times, all those kind of runner-y things (found out the following week when we bumped into them again at The Grim that he'd finished in 8th!) On the way the rain actually stopped and by the time we reached the start area there was actually blue sky! Talk about lucky! Also they had re-organised the bag-drop, toilets, registration, in fact pretty much everything and it was far less hassle than the previous year. Everything ran so smoothly that we even had time for a pre-race cuppa. The only downside was there wasn't much space to have a warm-up jog on account of the army camp being largely off-limits due to preparing soldiers for a tour in Afghanistan.

We positioned ourselves fairly near the front, as a problem with these large scale events (over 1800 runners on Sunday) is one of congestion on the narrow trails. So you need to go off fairly fast in order to spread out the field and not end up queuing through some of the obstacles or narrow steep bits. The start consisted of a devil (on stilts)striding towards us with his staff belching red and green smoke. He exhorted us to do something but the noise was too much to hear exactly what and then the fireworks went off and so were we. The first mile was mainly on tracks so you could find a rhythm and sort out your pacing before hitting the wooded heathland. The ground got rougher and the inclines steeper ~ but hardly enough to justify the name "Hellrunner".  For the first four miles or so it was 'just' a cross country run. Then came the escarpment. We ran up, along the edge with the amazing views over the heath towards some cheering spectators. We found out why. We went straight down a very steep rocky gulley, turned around and then had to run/scramble straight back up another. One runner complained "what's the bl**dy point of that?" To be told that as it was Hellrunner "what did he bl**dy expect?" However following that it went back into cross country mode, albeit the 'inclines' were considerably steeper and some people started to resort to walking up them. Also there were one or two puddles, no more than calf-deep that had to be negotiated which added the "really wet feet" dimension to the race. 

The noise from the A3 was gradually becoming more apparent as we headed westwards, as was the noise of cheering crowds and thunder flashes. The "Bog of Doom" approached! We approached it on twisting trails through woods which tripped the tired and unwary as we were at about mile seven at this point and beginning to tire. The doom laden bog consists unsurprisingly of a bog with added features of fireworks suspended above, smoke bombs going off, cheering spectators ~ the loudest cheers for those who for one reason or another, either voluntary or involuntarily managed to immerse themselves totally in the mucky chest-deep ooze. I can only assume this is a key part of army training and not just built for the "enjoyment" of us competitors. As you can see I emerged reasonably unscathed. 

Having just run approximately seven miles you were needless to say reasonably warmed up, to then to plunge into rather cold muddy water, was a bit of a shock to the system. Emerging we found then we had to run up a hill with barely moving limbs. A bit more cross country, just to get the legs moving again and the lungs bursting as it was mainly up a gully then down a gully, before another ridiculously steep ascent to be faced with an almost sheer drop  into a narrow, waist deep lake. the look on my face is one of apprehension as we then had to climb back out up an equally steep slope, along a bit and then another, shallower but muddier traverse. This done, it was then the sand dunes. The previous year it had been freezing, so the water was numbing but the sand was frozen so made running/staggering that much easier. This year, while the water was 'warmer' i.e. there wasn't any ice, the sand was nice and loose and ankle deep. I don't know if you've ever tried to run on sand dunes but it isn't easy and saps your strength. Try that following a hard seven mile cross country, followed by dunking in mud/water/other stuff in between which you stagger up and down some hills, and the name of the race suddenly becomes more understandable. Basically they tire you out and then make you suffer! However the name "Hellrunner" might just give it away? 


After the dunes, encouraged onwards by some very pretty marshals (I was tired - not blind) through another water filled gully and back on to the track. Seeing the crowds ahead and knowing that we were only 500m from the finish, a couple of put on a spurt of speed - well a relative 'spurt' at any rate and pulled ahead. A sprint / stagger to the finish to see me beaten by -another 'grey-haired gentleman' - that'll show the youngsters!


Unlike last year when the bag drop was a nightmare of queueing in freezing temperatures and a biting wind, this year it was a example of efficient planning. Virtually no waiting around meaning you could get warm and dry clothes on quickly and enabling you to get back to the finish to cheer on the other competitors. Cups of tea completed the warming up ritual prior to us making our way back to the car for the drive home.

RESULT: 136 (4th in 50+) out of 1842 in a time of 1.23.44

I did have a good 'rummage' through Wikipedia but couldn't find a lot about the area, I suppose unsurprisingly as it is an army base. However I did find a few snippets - edited below:


Longmoor Military Camp is a British Army training camp and training area on the A3 road between Liss and Liphook in Hampshire. The village of Greatham lies to the south.

The camp includes Nissen huts, a school house, messing facilities, cinema and theatre. The main street of the camp is built on an ancient Roman road, the Chichester to Silchester Way [see below]. The training areas consist of 1783 hectares of wooded areas, heath, wetlands and hard standings.

The majority of the area is designated a Site of Special Scientific Interest and forms part of the European designated Wealden Heaths Special Protection Area and Special Area of Conservation. In addition to military use, the area is used by the Goschen foxhounds, Chiddingfold, Leconfield and Cowdray foxhounds, and the Hampshire hunt.

The camp was formerly home to 79 Railway Squadron (United Kingdom) The modern day 79 Railway Squadron is part of the 17 Port and Maritime Regiment, Royal Logistic Corps of the British Army. They are responsible for maintaining and providing the British Army with its railway transportation requirements.

Originally, the Railway Squadron started life in the Royal Engineers at Longmoor where they were known as the Longmoor Military Railway and operated steam locomotives. The Squadron eventually moved to Monchengladbach in West Germany and in the fullness of time became 79 Railway Squadron, Royal Corps of Transport. The locomotives were all diesel and for a while the future of the squadron seemed uncertain until 1983, when a multi-million pound makeover was begun. New locomotives started to arrive and the operating yard at Monchengladbach got a makeover.

Longmoor Military Railway formerly connected the camp to the mainline rail network, but was closed in 1969.

The Chichester to Silchester Way is a Roman Road between Chichester in South-East England, which as Noviomagus was capital of the Regnenses, and Silchester or Calleva Atrebatum, capital of the Atrebates. The road had been entirely lost and forgotten, leaving no Saxon place names as clues to its existence, until its chance discovery through aerial photography in 1949. Only 6 kilometres of the 62 kilometres  long road remain in use. The road forms the central track of Longmoor Military Camp, then north of the A3 road passes west of Woolmer Pond near Greatham, with an alignment change as it crosses the A325 road.

RACE 48 - GRIM DUATHLON - 22 October

Hmm... without the almost weekly events, I've soon got out of the habit of  the write-up ~ hence the delay at completing this one. The event is 'marketed' as "The GRIM Duathlon is one of the toughest short-course duathlons in the country. Take on the trails, hills, mud, water, cammo nets, moguls and the sand dunes on the Army's vehicle testing circuit. All the elements are there to be mastered, but all you’ll have will be your trainers and the bike – will you survive?" It also happens to be a favourite ~ it must be as being on a Saturday its one of the few that I'll give up hockey for. Also it is the source of my blog photo.

The drive down was pretty unremarkable ~ passing through Purley (changed almost beyond recognition since I used to live there as a boy) then around the M25 and down the M3.  It was based just the other side of Aldershot in the heart of the army part of the town. The venue is the same as The Grim (race 3) and The Grim (race 50). 


Having reached the destination I discovered that the snack trailer serving the early morning cups of tea had yet to arrive. Once it did, it took quite some time from them to produce a brew. However it did give me time to explore some of the course which looked deceptively attractive in the early morning sun. It also allowed me to read some of the army signs such as "unprepared river crossing"; "CAUTION: high speed vehicles can appear suddenly at any time" and "medium mobility test track ENDS". 

After my cup of tea I racked the bike - fortunately at the end of a row so I shouldn't be able to loose it and got ready. I was amazed at how many people were still registering, sorting out bits and pieces and generally faffing around just a few minutes before the race. One couple were asked to jog as they were just casually strolling along with the race about to start. That's taking "casual" possibly a bit too far?


The race briefing contained one gem of advice "if it looks deeper than a puddle - then it is deeper than a puddle! And you may need to get off the bike and carry it". 


Once the race started all hint of casualness disappeared as we made our way up the sandy tracks, skirting the deep "puddles" (some of which on the second run we were 'marshalled' through) and generally finding the going not too bad. It certainly wasn't as muddy (or cold for that matter) as the previous year, in fact it was almost balmy. Some of the course I recognised from The Grim (see race 3 ~ and my goodness didn't I write short blogs back in the day? Also I'll be culminating with race 50 on the course in December when I expect it to be just a bit colder, wetter and muddier). Admittedly there were a couple of cheeky hills to run up and a camo-net to crawl through (losing my glasses in the process). However did reasonably well, and got back to transition in a reasonable state. Then on with bike shoes and glasses, fingerless gloves and then off. 

As it was reasonably dry, the route initially was pretty rutted so it made for some interesting cycling ~ with the majority of us taking a fairly gingerly approach.  Just as we were getting used to it and beginning to speed up it then became very sandy which meant it was like cycling through treacle. It also meant that if you just stamped down on your peddles or put all your weight on them, your back wheel just spun. So just as we learnt to cycle this surface, it changed again to the kind of fire tracks you find in forests. Now most people have been on these before so we all took off like scalded cats and started racing in earnest. A few dodgy moments around some of the steeper corners but I managed to stay on. So haring down hill on one of these tracks we came to a smiling marshal pointing us to go left through the first of "if it looks deeper than a puddle it is deeper than a puddle" ~ well it was for me at any rate as I took the racing alignment. Seeing others taking the longer but shallower route, filed that piece of information away for the second lap!

This was the first bit of the technical section. Steep wooded sandy up hill, with deeply rutted down hill, through in some puddles, mud and steep corners ~ meant that the majority of this section was done in the lowest gear possible. Great fun and I actually managed to do the whole thing without falling off or needing to get off the bike (which I couldn't say later about the second lap). 


Finishing the technical section it was on to a very exposed section of the heathland. Last year the wind and rain had lashed down on this section creating miserable freezing conditions. This year it was quite pleasant - just a hint of a breeze. After about a mile it was back into the woodland for the next 'technical' ~ basically the wet bit. 

They took us through a number of puddles that weren't puddles, some just cycleable, one in particular you had to wade and carry the bike. One thing I've found from doing a number of races on these vehicle courses is that you don't follow the wheel ruts you go down the middle where it tends to be shallower. 


The other given on these races, is the wetter, muddier, most likely to result in mishap, sections of a course are where a) the photographer is positioned and b) where most of the supporters are. Unsurprising really, if you're going to stand around in the freezing cold waiting for your loved-one to appear, you might as well get some comedy moments while suffering.


The second 10km lap was similar to the first (kind of obvious really) with two main differences - being tired and catching some of the tail enders. By this time in the race (half way) the field had spread out quite a bit and you were now competing with people of about the same standard. Occasionally someone would drop off the pace, or someone else would find a new lease of life and catch/overtake. 


I managed the fire tracks at a reasonable pace, i.e. overtaking people and not being overtaken, but at the first technical section I managed to fall off twice. What was embarrassing was both times it was going uphill at a snails pace! The second time caused a lot of merriment from the person behind and the marshal at the top ~ as they'd never seen someone topple over in such slow motion. I hardly felt I was falling until I'd hit the ground. Fortunately I managed to stay on for the remainder of the lap though found out later when I had thawed out that I had some pretty impressive grazes and bruising. 


Catching and passing some of those on their first lap I was struck by their almost uniform cheerfulness, willingness to let you pass and in one or two cases, total inappropriateness of bike being used. One girl had a sit up and beg ladies bike with road tyres, was covered head to foot in mud, had to walk down the steep technical sections yet had a smile from ear to ear!


Finishing the cycle it was on to the second 5km run ~ basically repeating the route we'd done though this time marshals were strategically placed to make sure we went through all the puddles. As soon as I started the run I became aware of two problems. Firstly my legs and feet were soaking and felt like blocks of ice ~ well they would soon warm up, or rather they would have done if we didn't keep wading through puddles. Secondly, I had changed my breakfast routine and was beginning to suffer from stomach cramps. Instead of my normal cereal I'd had some belVita biscuits and they were not sitting comfortably! I'd broken one of the cardinal rules of competing (again). Never change your routine, equipment, technique - in fact anything, on the morning of your race. 


I was being overtaken by better runners probably loosing about ten places in all. However two thirds round I came across someone suffering even more than I was so we decided to run together giving each other moral support. Certainly took my mind my problems and we both finished if not with a flourish, at least at a canter.


All that was left was to change into dry clothes, pack up the bike and bits and go. First though, planning ahead and knowing what state all the kit would get, I'd taken my power washer. So to the envy of the other competitors putting their muddy bikes into their cars, I was able to get the worst of the mud off. 


RESULT: 50th out of 403 (+6 DNF) in a time of 1:44:38 (a lot faster than 2010 but then the conditions weren't as harsh). 


Well I've Googled and searched Wikipedia, but can't find any 'interesting' facts or background ~ I'll keep looking as my final event is back at this venue, so if you can contain your disappointment until then?


Two things are worth mentioning (maybe). I have started booking next years events such as Windsor and Eton triathlons ~ though I will have to be careful as I've a few Olympic and Paraolympic tickets. I'm going through all the events I've done and deciding on my favourite ones or those I've done quite well in and would like to improve upon. Before you ask I will NOT be doing 50 next year or even 51. It will be far fewer!


Secondly, I've decided to support Prostate Cancer by growing a 'tash as part of Movember. Some of you who are watching the rugby league 4 nations will have noticed that many of our 'Antipodean cousins' are sporting upper lip hair (as well as the customary  thrashing of their old-world cousins). This is all part of the Movember campaign see http://uk.movember.com/. I've only one race where I'll be sporting it - Hellrunner at the end of the month, but I do have a month of embarrassment in the meantime!

RACE 47 - ROYAL PARKS FOUNDATION HALF MARATHON - 9 October

I wanted to do this race and you've only got to look at the route to see why. Central London, The Mall, Buckingham Palace, the Embankment, Trafalgar Square, quite apart from the parks themselves ~ and all on roads closed to traffic. I nearly didn't get a place as it is oversubscribed every year and I initially didn't get a place. However I got a place on the first round ballot ~ they must have been short of 50 year old men or some such. I must admit I did approach the race with a fair degree of trepidation as over 12,500 take part and unlike the equally big events such as the London Triathlon, the starts aren't in waves spread over the whole day. I've only ever run in a similar sized event ~ a 10k again on closed roads in central London, which had been a bit of a disaster. There had been no grading of the runners so you had absolute 'snails' pushing themselves towards the front while some of the 'speedsters' spent the whole race having to dodge around people. It was not an enjoyable experience.


To digress (as per usual), there are two websites that are worth a browse ~ one about the race http://royalparkshalf.com/ and one about the foundation that looks after the parks http://www.supporttheroyalparks.org/ From these I gleaned the following snippets:

• In the 16th century, The Green Park was popular with duellists and many a gentleman died on the turf where office workers now enjoy their lunchtime breaks.
• In the 13th century, a leper hospital was founded alongside St James’s Park, and it is from this hospital that the Park took its name. St James’s Palace was commissioned by Henry VIII on the site of the hospital when it was disbanded in 1532.
• When Oscar Wilde was arrested in 1895 he was first held in the Old Police House in Hyde Park. His old cell is now a lavatory!
• William III bought what was originally part of Hyde Park in 1689. An asthma sufferer, the Kind found the location quiet and the air salubrious and so he commissioned Sir Christopher Wren to design the redbrick building that is Kensington Palace.
• Queen Caroline, the wife of George II, ordered the damming of the River Westbourne in Hyde Park as part of a general redevelopment of Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens. At that time, the Westbourne formed eleven natural ponds in the park. During the 1730s, the lake filled to its current size and shape.
• William III travelled along Rotten Row (then Route du Roi) between his residence at Kensington Palace and Westminster. Anxious to ensure his protection from roving highwaymen, lamps were hung from the trees, making it the first public road to be lit.

However back to the race itself. I was pleased to find that everyone was graded and their numbers colour coded according to ability (as in the race entry we had been asked for estimated finish time). I wasn't in the first group ~ sub 1:30 runners, but in the next group which seemed to be 1:30 to 2:00 hours which suited me just fine. It also meant that while there were a lot of charity runners, it was unlikely that there would be many in full costume at this pace. I'm still traumatise by being overtaken by a runner in a full chicken suit, with chicken feet, feathers, comb ~ the lot, in a race a couple of years ago!


An advantage with a central London race was it was a stroll down to Brixton tube, five stops and off at Green Park for a 15 minute stroll to the start. Easy-peasy! It was interesting seeing how packed the tube was early Sunday morning, mainly with trainer-wearing passengers all with their chip timing device attached to their shoes. Degrees of nervousness, preparedness and enthusiasm were all evident ~ from the obvious athletes to the "give it a go and hope I make it" brigade. 

It was a pretty damp start to the day but it did brighten up a bit as the day wore on. Getting to the start I was amazed at how big the "event village" was. The bag marque was enormous and incredible well organised - no need for queuing at all, the food on offer was amazingly wide ranging, the charity marques seemed endless .... and so on. I had intended to look around and meet up with some others such as Elaine, Becky, Gordon .... who were also running ~ but no chance. It really was like finding a needle in a haystack! Never mind the atmosphere was gripping and all really good natured. The warm up was led by Nell Andrews dressed as a woodland fairy. I'm assuming she's a 'celebrity'. I 'Googled' her and I'm not much the wiser ~ though to be fair she seems to do a lot of charity work and I found out later she finished 15 minutes faster than me! So celebrity or not, she's a fine runner!


One of the races' raison d'etres is sustainability. This was emphasised as we were corralled into our coloured enclosures. Any clothes we were wearing to keep warm while waiting for the off and didn't want, could be left by the side and Oxfam would pick them up and use them. Our medals were made out of wood from the trees of the park; the race shirts made out of bamboo (and they are really good too!); the water provided by M&S were all in small bottles which would be recycled; the bananas at the end were fair-trade ....  see what I mean?

The elites were set off on the dot of 9:30, and once that corral of people had moved off it was our turn to move up to the line and be 'released'. It was a stunning site see a mass of runners streaming down South Carriage Drive towards Hyde Park Corner and Wellington Arch. Under the arch and then down Constitution Hill toward Her Maj's house. 


One other thing that the organisers had done was provide pace runners. These were runners that had flags on their backs showing the intended finish time of that particular person. I was aiming for a finish around the 1:40 mark, so I kept those particular mauve flags in view. It resulted in the pace runners having a small posse of people around them. One disadvantage of getting too close to them was that as they were pace runners they were running well within their capability so still had breath enough to chat!

Past Buckingham Palace seeing the bemused tourists wondering why they couldn't cross the road and why their holiday snaps were being ruined by a bunch of sweaty runners. Past St James's Park towards Parliament Square and Big Ben. This was mile two, only 11.1 to go! It was then a loop over Westminster Bridge then along the embankment towards Temple. 


Along this section of the run we passed the elites coming in the other direction. They seemed to be running flat out but effortlessly. The next two miles were along the Embankment ~ out and back with the first of a number of well organised drinks stations at mile four. I kept an eye out for others I knew who were running but I had no chance of spotting anyone ~ it was just a constant stream of runners.


It was then a right turn into Whitehall by Horse Guards Parade, up towards Trafalgar Square for more bemused tourist hoards. It was here that as it was beginning to hurt (mile five) we noticed a 'rather' (in the voice of Terry Thomas) welcome distraction. A couple of incredibly attractive young ladies who'd obviously been partying Saturday night stood by the kerb (probably wondering how to get across the road or find a taxi) in short figure-hugging dresses and 'physics-defying' plunging necklines. A real vision of loveliness that had a tendency to cause male runners to take quite a tight racing line around that particular corner; to pick up the pace; to straighten the shoulders and pull in the stomach and generally try and look like we weren't dying inside. As I say a welcome distraction!

Running down the middle of The Mall towards Buckingham Palace was an incredibly dramatic and memorable experience. It was then back up Constitution Hill ~ funny how much steeper it felt  going up after 5.5 miles. We even saw a couple of runners going in the opposite direction. I can only assume they had started late as they were on their first mile while we had finished our fifth. From mile 6 to the end was all in Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens ~ which was great as this was where most of the supporters were.  Up past the Serpentine to the North Carriage Drive. It was at this point there were a bunch of Prostate Cancer volunteers/ supporters who gave me a rousing cheer! Very welcome as by this point (mile 7) the legs were getting decidedly leaden.  


Again this section was one that had the faster runners going in the opposite direction looking (most of them) still fresh and full of running. A few had pained expressions which made me feel like I wasn't he only one suffering. Back past the Serpentine, this time with the opposite scenario -  we were the faster runners passing those who were slower. 


At mile nine it was back up the back running paralleled to Park Lane. It was at this point that I had my first shock of the day (apart that is from the girls in the skimpy dresses) as a guy seemed to stumble, recover slightly and then just collapse. Seeing some marshals ahead a couple of us rushed on to explain what had happened and as luck would have it a couple of paramedics on bikes happened along and were quickly assisting the person who'd collapsed. Certainly a sobering thought. 


At mile ten (which had in the other direction had been mile seven) another rousing cheer from the Prostate Cancer supporters, which if anything was even more welcome this time!  

The last three miles through Kensington Gardens was just painful. The 1 hour 40 min pace runner slowly drew ahead to about 200 yards - just couldn't keep up. It was a case of grit your teeth, keep the pace runner in sight and keep going. It had been too much for another runner as I passed someone else collapsed being attended by paramedics with an oxygen mask. Only two other memorable points ~ well that's all I remember of the last couple of miles at any rate. Firstly, someone had a talking watch that constantly update him to how fast he was going, what his current pace was and what that meant in terms in finish time. It was so irritating that I actually found it in myself to speed up a bit in order to get away from the annoying metallic voice. Secondly, the long finish straight along the South Carriage Drive had signs like only 800m to go, 500m etc. It made it seem further if anything! 

At the finish a well organised and efficient series of marshals saw us be-medalled (its a nice wooded one in the shape of a maple leaf), watered, de-chipped and handed a banana. Wondering back to to the equally efficient bag drop marque to get my warm clothes and returned to the the finish to see if I could spot anyone ~ no luck (and I hadn't bothered to take the phone - duh!).  As I trudged wearily and stiffly back to Green Park tube, I swore I wouldn't do another road race of this distance, they're just too painful. Needless to say, I've already booked my expression of interest for next year and this time I'll finish in front of the pace runner!                   


Press release: 
http://royalparkshalf.com/press/news/12500-runners-race-through-london


RESULT: 1100 out of 11,480 in a time of 1:40:24 


From the results I found that I was 157th in the 45+ category; it had taken 3 minutes from the starting gun until I'd crossed the start line; and  most startling for me, my time for the first half of the race was less than a minute faster than my time for the second half!

RACE 46 - CHILHAM CASTLE DUATHLON - 2 October

"The distance for the duathlon run by Tri Spirit Events will be a 10km off road run held within the picturesque grounds of Chilham Castle with views of the castle and Canterbury Cathedral.  This will be followed by a very fast but challenging cycle route partly ridden on a designated cycle time trial route then finishing off with a 5km run, again in the park." The deceptively pleasant low key description by the race organisers. 


We were finally having some hot weather ~ a very late reminder of what summer could have been. It was so hot that we received this email from the race organisers the day before along the lines of: "We have added a water station on the bike course due to the hot weather conditions. It will be located at the Wagon & Horses PH, on Faversham Road at about 13K on the route. This will be bottled water only with a sports cap, which will be open for you. If you are discarding your own bottle can you please discard it before the left hand turn at 14.5K. My marshals can then do a sweep of this area. Please do not use my marshals as target practise, as you might wobble and fall off your bike, thank you :-)
This is an additional supply of water and we still recommend that you take your own fluids with you on the bike."


My race preparation wasn't the most well thought out this weekend. Saturday, in which temperatures according to the news had reached 29C, consisted of playing two hockey matches. While loosing 3-0 (we've not had the most impressive start to the season: P2, W0, D0, L2, F0, A9, GD -9 = Points 0) I managed to pull off a pretty good save but for my pains (literally) took a ball on the top of my knee. So sweltering afternoon heat, dehydration, bruised knee and an incredibly 'moist' and smelly kit (it took the best part of a week to air and to largely get rid of the smell ~ a big disadvantage with GK kit is that you can't wash all the padding) meant an evening with the windows open (the flat was decidedly 'fragrant' as you can imagine), icing the knee and getting the kit ready for an early start. The race was starting at 8am so how hot could it get?

Up a the crack of dawn ~ well actually a bit before, and off down the A2. South London was buzzing even this early or rather late as most of those hadn't yet been to bed. Even had a minor traffic jam at New Cross as there were so many people up and around. 


Traffic was light once out beyond the M25 so made good time watching the sun peeping through and burning off the light mist. Arriving in good time ~ this was view that greeted you. Chilham Castle is on the edge of the North Downs so there were some lovely sweeping panoramas, hills, misty hollows, deep overhanging wooded sections - a fantastic driving experience. I found out later on the bike retracing  this route that the hills, panoramas, misty hollows etc. were slightly less appreciated.

Registered, collected the goody bag, set up the the bike and kit in transition and most importantly sourced a cuppa! 


While racking the bike I was chatting to some of the other racers and they were amazed that Halfords had produced a TT Carrera ~ thought I'd actually put the decals on myself! To be honest the bike did look a bit sad without the carbon back wheel as because of the puncture I'd been forced to put the original old wheel back on. This proved to be a bit of a faff as I had to remember to change the brakes over as well from the carbon pads back to the standard rubber. The other chat I had was while changing into my race gear in the 'changing tent' ~ bit of a luxury this, another competitor, a local chap, was explaining the cycle route to me. He was rather ominously doing the race as part of relay team as he claimed the run was a real b******d ~ very prophetic as it turned out! 


The bike course which he'd practised on the day before was a bit of a mix and the secret was not to start out too fast as the first 20-25km was quite hilly. None of the hills were particularly steep he explained, just deceptively long inclines that often steepened just as you made the ridge of the North Downs. It did make the descending fast and interesting though I should watch out for the bends and some dodgy bits of asphalt on the "racing line". The remaining part of the race was pretty much flat so should be pretty fast.  Not entirely sure whether he was just being friendly and helpful (I think on balance he was) or trying to psych me out as he also mentioned he'd done it the previous day in 1:07. Found out subsequently that they had won the team race. This course was described on the race website as being "The biting 13K uphill start to the bike section testing the riders' legs, but there is plenty of flat and fast downhill for the competitors in the remainder of the 40K." 

At 8am we all lined up for the start of what was described as  "a challenging 10K cross country run". Oh boy that's an understatement! The first 1km was uphill, no easing us in gently! While the hills weren't of the steepness of some of the other 10k's I've done, it was the constancy of seemingly always going upwards that draining. Obviously there were some downhill sections but they tended to be steeper and gave little opportunity to catch your breath. The other problem was we got lost! How could you get lost on a well marshalled and signed course? Quite easily as it turned out as one of the supporters left a gate open so about a dozen of us went through the gate and down the hill. Fortunately we were spotted and called back before we'd reached the bottom but it was a bit of a slog. The next time we came round - as it was a two lap circuit, they'd parked a car in front of the gate so there was no confusion. After a few more ups and downs it was a run along the 500 year old chestnut avenue towards the castle. At this point it was another run uphill towards the start/finish line to repeat the lap. 


It was stunning countryside, a mixture of woodlands and open estate, liberally dotting with cross-country horse jumps. The estate operates a livery stable and horse eventing being quite a feature of their diversification. Underfoot while one section was a bit muddy, the remainder was fine and in fact the majority of runners were in road shoes whereas I'd opted for trail shoes. 

Having almost staggered up the final hill to transition in a not very impressive 51 minute 10k time ~ it was time for the bike. So far the knee was bearing up pretty well, sore but by no means debilitating. The first section of the bike the organisers had suggested we might want to walk as it was a rough gravel track downhill towards the estate road. Having done what felt like 'off-roading' at Hever, I decided to risk it - albeit rather gingerly. Making the road, it was turn left out of the grounds to start the long climb. I took the advice and didn't start out too fast, slow enough to eat some jelly babies and have some drink. However seeing someone in the distance, decided enough was enough and picked up speed. Although it was uphill, in parts it was possible to go down on the tri-bars and pick up some speed. In one section - under trees that created a green tunnel over the road, the temperature dropped considerable, enough to make you shiver while the heavy dew still hadn't cleared from the road surface. 


I began to catch and overtake some of the faster runners or those who hadn't gone the wrong way. To be honest I was really enjoying myself, smooth asphalt which meant my jelly babies stayed put, fantastic North Downs scenery, warm sunshine and a few of my fellow competitors to catch and overtake. I had the audacity to overtake one guy in full aero-helmet while he was having a drink, next thing - whoosh. He stormed past, head down in full tuck. I managed to keep him sight downhill round the swooping bends but as soon as we got on the flat section he pulled away. Unfortunately I don't have the 'Sir Chris Hoy' thighs to push the top gear in anything less than perfect conditions on the flat. Something to work on over winter perhaps.


The first 20km were undulating as it was all up to and over the North Downs. The second 20 km was out and back along the valley which was almost flat, very fast but considerably less enjoyable as the scenery wasn't as attractive, the traffic was beginning to build and the road surface wasn't quite as good. Also by this time my knee was aching but more problematic was my kit selection. I'd decided not to wear my tri-gear, instead going for running kit. No tri-shorts meant no padding so a certain amount of "discomfort" and "chaffing" was occurring. 

As we turned into the estate again, it was quite a steep up hill section liberally dotted with tourists that a) didn't have quite the same urgency and b) seemed unaware of the fact that cyclists were whizzing passed them. The last bit up a very steep gravel section I just managed to make. Once in transition changing into my running shoes for the final 5km run, I heard cheers as the first person finished the race - a bit depressing! Staggering off, I realised I may, just may have overdone it a bit on the bike especially as you'll remember, the first 1km of the course was all uphill. Feeling rather light-headed as by now it was about 10:00am and warming up nicely (that is if you weren't running) I stumbled round what proved to be one of my slowest 5km's of the year. Fortunately someone had overtaken me in the transition and all I did was keep him in sight and plod on.


It was a great race, very tough, well organised and friendly. Yet it was tinged with sadness as it's the last opportunity to use the tri-bike for nearly six whole months - how will I survive?


RESULT:  24th out of 73 in time of 2:38:14 


I was 3rd in my age group but amazingly winner was also in my age group and was 30 mins quicker! I've obviously got a bit to go yet. To be fair I did check up on him and he is Nick Kinsey, an eight-time competitor at the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii: one of the most consistent British competitors in Ironmen over the last 20 years: is a Tri UK sponsored athlete: and runs training camps in Mallorca (see http://www.mallorcaman.co.uk/) so I was "a bit" out-classed!


Now for some interesting trivia. The Chilham Castle website (http://www.chilham-castle.co.uk/) is one of the most comprehensive websites I've come across - just look at the history section! I've pulled out two of the more "interesting bits" ~ well unusual at any rate.


1.The Chilham Elephants
"At the foot of School Hill is a building which lies at the centre of some persistent village tales. It is now called “The Elephant House”, because reputedly it once housed elephants brought from India to clear timber in the estate woodlands and park.


When sold in the 1980s it was known as “Annagh House” (named after a village in Ireland) and, through most of the preceding decades of the 20th century, it was occupied by gardeners and game-keepers or members of the owners' family. The external appearance of the present building suggests a 19th century conversion of an 18th century structure. The pilaster on the front resembles closely the pillars flanking Colebrooke's claire-voie, but in 1741 the site was occupied by a gazebo in the form of a turret not unlike those on the castle to-day.


A recent occupier has told us of drainage channels beneath the floor and it is sometimes suggested that the large recessed arches on the park side of the building provided access for the animals, but such features are not uncommon in places where there is no talk of elephants – perhaps the nearest example is the stable at Syndale Park on the outskirts of Faversham,


Stories differ as to when the elephants were here and evidence is very patchy. In the 18th century, two generations of the Colebrooke family maintained strong connexions with the East India Company, which in their day, ruled India. The joints in the brickwork where the “Elephant House” adjusts to the slope of School Hill are regarded by some people as indicating that Robert Colebrooke converted the gazebo to house elephants. We are told that mahouts slept in the loft. In those days, any visitors from the next town would be viewed with circumspection, but we have no records of Indians in the village. One might wonder how well they (perhaps with their families) would have fitted into village life.


In his meticulous history of Chilham,Thomas Heron, the Colebrookes' successor, gives elephants no mention, but soon after his departure, we are told that Jane Austen wrote to her sister from their brother's home at Godmersham after “a walk to see Mr Wildman's elephants at Chilham”. Until we can track this letter down, the tale remains unsubstantiated.


After Jane Austen's death, Mr Wildman married the daughter of a former Governor of Madras, but this connexion with India takes us nowhere. From the memoirs of Matilda, their daughter, we learn of the wisteria brought from China but elephants from India are not mentioned. In the collection of paintings left for us by Matilda's sister Emily, we see horses, dogs and birds, but no elephants. The history of Chilham, by Emily's son, Arthur Bolton, written in 1911, is equally silent.


However, from now on we are on more solid ground. Relatives of the Hardy family have an old oil painting inscribed “The elephant brought from Ceylon by Mr Charles Hardy in 1875” This seems to be a copy of a photograph shown here which has been reproduced widely. In the records of the Chilham Society it appears with the caption "Tambo with the elephant brought from Ceylon by Charles S Hardy in 1875" The Hardy family also own a collar which, according to family tradition, the animal wore; its distinctive buckle can be recognised in the photograph. There are recollections in the village of about 100 years ago, when we are told, an elephant, (kept, according to one local resident, with the horses in the stables near the Keep) used to tow a mower over the castle lawns (presumably wearing the collar) and on special occasions such as Boxing Day, village children were allowed to ride on its back.


Thirty years ago, in open ground beside the Chestnut Avenue about 250 yards from the ha-ha, there used to be three large stones bearing names. A hundred years ago the estate plan showed a small clump of trees on the site, but the trees and the stones have now vanished. Word on the estate was that they marked the graves of elephants, but they might have been for dogs or horses. Excavation might provide an answer.
Meanwhile, the stories and the questions persist.


2. Australian cricket
In the National Library of Australia, Canberra, hangs a painting, said to show an Australian cricket team on their second test tour, playing at Chilham in August 1878 against “Mr Wilsher's Gentlemen”. Reputedly by William Andrews Nesfield 1793 - 1881 a famous landscape gardener &, in his early years, a competent water-colourist, the quality of its execution is remarkable for a man aged 85 &, and it should be noted, has been done in oil.

A copy can be found at the St Lawrence Cricket Ground in Canterbury, but anyone familiar with Chilham & its history can tell that this picture is not authentic.

Rather than showing the castle as it was in 1878, the painter copied an engraving by William Watts from “Seats of the Nobility & Gentry” showing the scene exactly as it had been in 1785 – including the trees growing beside the keep. However the painter failed to notice that mid-wicket in 1878 was a huge holm oak, which by then was already a couple of generations old.

Even the shadow across the windows of the house in the 1785 engraving is reproduced with absolute precision in the painting, but evidently the Victorian painter was unaware of big changes to the building during the intervening century. Instead of the long service wing added in 1863 the painter shows us a small pinnacled Jacobean orangery which, by 1878, had vanished.

In the foreground is a crenellated wall, upon which are inscribed the names of all the players & the scores achieved by each team. Like the match depicted, these battlements, though perhaps roughly in line with the sunk wall or ha-ha bordering the park, are pure artistic fancy.

The owner of Chilham in 1878 was not, as is sometimes stated, Lord Harris of Belmont, but another great enthusiast for the game, Col. Charles Stewart Hardy. Hardy's cricket ground was not where the painter imagines, on the sloping crown of the park just south of the house, but far away in the lower park on level ground, where the Colonel had adapted an old pavilion built into the park wall.

Derek Carlaw of Canterbury has proved conclusively that the match never took place; copies of his report are available on request. By the publication of these notes & the report of Mr Carlaw's thoroughgoing research, we aim to debunk this fantasy scene & the persistent legends to which it has given rise."